GL: Aircards, etc

[handy97885 at aol.com]

"I have about 20 smartphones that are used for software development.? It
drives my wife nuts." sayz Mr Siegel?
METOO!!
I certainly respect the folks whose vast knowledge on various nautical subjects makes this such a remarkable site.
Many of us are not necessarily so disposed as to add yet another chore to our lists of things to do/learn.
In the vein of Christmas wishes, I'd just like a simple answer to a simple question. 
"What's a good/functional/ inexpensive device to use for phoning/emailing/smoke signalling my friends/family/pursuers while sailing/boating/cruising nearshore/off shore."
Despite the advance of dubious technical improvements to any such aforementioned devices, seems to me that K.I.S.S. would be appreciated.
It's like a car, I get in , start the engine and GO. I do not need to? understand HOW it works or what slick perks I can get with it. I just need to get from A to B. I also lament the loss of?the good old Ford straight 6 tractor, roll up windows, and buggy whips.
John?
Second?Love
Looking for a drum beater on my galleon to keep the rowers apace